'motivation: where are you?'

I am aware of it, but it still surprises me how relative is motivation to mood. For the past couple of days I have let myself been driven by my mood swings and it has been quite an unproductive vicious circle I have found myself in. Unproductive in terms of my writing, I have had less control over my eating, finding the slightest comments made by others about what I wear to what I eat irritating, and most of all, I have been unwilling to think positively. In fact I have come to loose sight all the possibilities, loosing touch with my motivation.

Motivation: where are you?

1, 2, 3, mommy!

I am still stunned by the fact that it is only after the birth of my third daughter that I finally truly feel being a mom.

Surely, when my first daughter was born and finally able to say her first words including a surprising Mama, when she was 11 months old, I felt the special attachment that we both still feel for each other. Commonly the type of bond that develops between a caring mom and her ever growing daughter. I will never forget that still a newborn, I could not wait to hear her sweet voice, helping me to feel warmer blood running in my veins as well as some occasional goosebumps, having always wondered what her voice would sound like. Many of my friends who did not wait the ten years my husband and I waited to have children as we were busy completing our graduate studies, warned me about the reality that there will be a time when I would be fed up to be called Mom. Of course, I did not understand their stories until this reality bit me once this same first daughter turned 7 and her sister 61/2. You know how it is, the never ending shouts: 'Mom, she pushed me', 'Mom, she doesn't want to share', 'Mom, I am hungry', 'Mom, can I watch TV'...Well, you get the picture.

Now, few months before the birth of my second daughter, I was already on maternity leave, left Canada (my parents, mostly the devoted grandmother of my children) for a few years. We left to live in the US thanks to my husband's job relocation. When my second daughter was born, my first was 18 months. Quite a busy lady was she! Active and needing attention, typical of toddlers her age. Unsurprisingly, driven by my adrenaline and hormones, I was happy to care for my second daughter, breastfeed her and cuddle with her. Pretty much just like I did with the first. Still, the same thoughts came to mind: her voice, what will it sound like? How about her eyes, which color will they end up be? Will she enjoy the water and embrace the idea to swim in the pool? It will be a long list if I would go over the precious memories I have of this beloved second daughter. As a snap shot, there is that sweet time when sitting on her high chair, she would munch on her favorite cookie or favorite pizza (yes, I have to admit,  we are not always eating healthy) and watch her doze off  while chewing her food as toothless as she was. Or how about the time, all the joy and laughter she offered me during bath time. Patiently, she would wait sitting-up in her stroller as I was dressing up her older sister. Her quietness always marked me, and filled me with great joy. Giving me the energy to go on. Cute in her boots and raincoat, just learned to walk, she would go wherever (or almost) her sister was heading to. There are a great number of cherishing memories. Oh, where did all that time go?

My third daughter was born this past July. There is about 81/2 years age difference between the first and this last one. Despite all the unique moments that I had with my first, as well as my second daughter, it is only following the birth of the last one that I feel being a mom. It is not like I did not spend time with my daughter, because I did. You know how it is, we balance our life as a working woman and a wife and a mom and a housewife. Like many, always trying our best and keeping up in joggling it all as well other duties as a swim coach for the school I teach at and a mom taking her own daughters to their synchronized swimming classes twice a week, not to mention the late meetings and interviews at school and the occasional hosting for late night family parties at home. Most likely, none of that is new to you. In the end always pulling it together occasionally wondering how is it that we did it. But now, since my third daughter came to the world, as I mentioned: Mom at last! Both my husband and I know THAT IS IT, we will not have any more children. No more feeling the kicks of a baby to be born inside, good bye to the joy (or early pains) of breastfeeding. No more questions about what the voice of the next one will sound like, or whether she will be left or right handed.  As I focus a lot of my energy and time on my third, particularly since her two older sisters are at school during the day, I watch my third daughter grow. At seven months, she has already started to say some gibberish as 'Mumm'.  Day after day, I am trying my best to capture these unforgettable moments especially knowing that these times will not come back again after her. That will be it, as she will continue to grow, I will only have these memories to remind me of all these special moments, including the bad nights sleeps and the continuous rocking to sooth her while trying to fall back to sleep.

I now wonder, when will it be a that I could feel being a grandmother?

How happy are you?

I am on a maternity leave, away from the regular classes I teach, but oh am I ever busy?! True, I am busy but quite happy. Are you happy? What does bring you happiness? Let’s take a deep breath and reflect on that, shall we?

The concept of happiness has attracted a great number of writers, philosophers and great thinkers for over centuries. There seem to be some connection between happiness and satisfaction. But happiness is one of those concepts that I believe quite relative. What can make me happy may provide you with other emotions. The opposite can of course be true as well.

There are some ties between my happiness and my ability to associate with people. Creating and maintaining connections appears to me as a good way to pave my way to happiness. As a human being, we are social beings. We often like to feel that we are not by ourselves. Like many of us, I enjoy to connect to others. I am happy to be able to connect with others both directly and indirectly, in person, by phone or the net. I am continuing to work on my skills to improve my abilities to do that, as it is not always easy to deepen and keep these friendships.

As a mom of three, I came to realize that one good way to stabilize the level of happiness in our household is to work on friendships especially with other families who have children of the same age as ours. They get to socialize, as much as we do. It is good for everyone and no one feels being left out. However, I cannot afford to just rely on such friendships; far from saying that they limit me I am only indicating that the variety of friends can help to meet my other interests. I do need to address those as well so that I can better reach a satisfactory level of happiness. It is not really the number that matters to me, but the variety.

How does it work out for you? How do you rate your level of happiness?

What? Me, loosing my temper?!

Well, here we go.

Do you occasionally realize that you need to repeat yourself as you address your child? Or even get frustrated as you repeat yourself, and your darling little one stares at you, almost as if they are enjoying the scene? Well, true enough, they seem to enjoy watching your mood swings the same way a scientist takes a joy observing the experiment she is running.

Just yesterday morning, one of my three daughters was standing right there in front of me, as for the third time I was reminding her that it is time to get up to put on her outside gear. Else, we will be late for the school bus. She wouldn't even answer, up to me to decide if she was in fact hearing me, leave alone, listening to me. Do I need to raise my voice, I may not be speaking loud enough? Well, I did do that. The results were far from being fruitful. It only added to my aggravation, raising my voice did nothing more than that. It took me some time to chill and find my inner peace.

What did work was indeed my husband calmness. It is only then that I realized that in such situation, you can increase your chances of having a positive influence by remaining calm. Can you be holding your seven months daughter, doing your eight year old's hair and talking calmly to the seven years old? I guess practice increases the chance to make it happen! Practice makes it better, but not enough have I found.

A useful tool has been to remind myself about the values that we find crucial in our household. Definitely, experience has taught me to prioritize those values. I came to realize that one of those values is to avoid easily loosing my temper, particularly over little things. I feel it is substantial for our children to learn that, as the more clear head they would be, the better decision they will be able to make. I experience that on a daily basis. I encourage my children to try it and implement it in their lives as well.

No one is perfect. As parents we may occasionally loose it, just like I recently did, but the bottom line is to stick to our own values. Let's not try to get away by not following our own beliefs for the wrong reason, such as lack of time. What kind of example would that set for our children, we set values to not follow them? Under certain circumstances one may need to slightly adjust them, but not forget them. With my own daughters, I have noticed that the more I remain calm and stick to those values, the more likely they are to actually listen to me. With my smile on the face, and my firm voice, they in fact pleasantly go on completing their duties. Occasionally, they wouldn't even fuss. If you haven't tried that calm attitude yet, please do and let me know how it worked out for you.